Monday, November 5, 2012

Between the Sheets "How to Pitch Like a Rockstar"


 
Superstar Heather Webb (yes she rocks!) is hosting the "How to Pitch like a Rockstar" pitch workshop and contest over on her blog. Click here for more info. Thank you Heather and everyone who is participating.


Pitch Numero Uno:

Girl on the Edge
Young Adult- Contemporary

Seventeen year old Pearl Jaeger emerges from a gritty childhood to find herself at a prestigious prep school. Fitting in is hard enough, but all too soon her life careens in the dangerous downward spiral of sex, drugs and rock and roll for which her late mother was notorious. Before she loses what little she has, especially the potential for love, Pearl must change her course or follow in her mother’s footsteps.


Revision # 1

Seventeen year old Pearl Jaeger emerges from a gritty childhood to find herself at a prestigious prep school. Fitting in is hard enough, but reckless with grief over the loss of her mother, she turns to drinking and smoking with the burnouts at Laurel Hill Prep. When she goes to summer school Pearl falls in deeper with the hard partying lifestyle sending her spiraling out of control on the heels of her late mother. But between hits of pot, pills and anything else she can get her hands Grant shows her what it is to be loved and she must close the door on her past, and choose him or lose love, along with her future.

Revision #2

As seventeen year old Pearl Jaeger emerges from a gritty childhood she finds fitting in at a prestigious prep school hard, but reckless with grief over the loss of her mother she turns to drinking and smoking. When she goes to summer school Pearl falls in deeper with the hard partying lifestyle sending her spiraling out of control on the heels of her late mother. But between hits of pot, pills and anything else she can get her hands Grant shows her what it is to trust and forgive and she must close the door on her past, and choose him or lose love, along with her future.
 

7 comments :

  1. Awww, Deidre, you're sweet. :) Just trying to help my fellow writers!

    My first comment about your pitch is that it's too vague. How does Deidre's life spiral out of control? The "sex, drugs, and rock and roll" line is very cliche and can mean a lot of different things. Remember to try to focus on what makes your novel different than others out there. Also, the potential for love? Tell a little about the boy and a bit more about what's at stake. Here's an example:


    When Pearl Jaeger’s mother overdoses, her (relative?) claims custody and ships her off to prep school. Fitting in is hard enough, but soon XXX happens (be specific) and XXX (raising the stakes again), sending Pearl spiraling out of control. But the attention of Jack, a XXX boy in her class, XXX (challenges her in some way) to close the door on her past, and choose XXX or lose him for good.

    Good luck with this. I look forward to seeing version two!

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  2. I like the premise, because it's badass, but I'd like to know more specific too. Rock on!

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  3. I'll keep working on the deets. I was thinking- logline- concise! But with the pitch I can give a bit more. Thanks for the feedback Heather & MT.

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  4. Heather's suggestions were awesome. Here's another way your first and second sentences could be simplified and combined (giving you more room to talk about Grant).
    Seventeen year old Pearl Jaeger hopes that a hard-partying lifestyle will help her fit in at Laurel Prep and dull the grief over her mother's death. Good luck!

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  5. Hi Deirdre!

    I think Heather and Marilyn are right about making it a bit more specific, but I do like the concision of your first version. It's a tricky thing, but can you maintain that concision while making the details you do include more specific? The second version is longer than three sentences, but you could probably take some of the material from that and maybe combine them?

    Sounds like a great story!

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  6. Deirdre,
    This sounds like a great story from pitch 1 and 2. The hard part is getting it into 3 sentences, right? You're getting close. I like the added detail in the revision, but think you could trim down other parts to make it less wordy. Focus on the essentials: gritty childhood, new prep school, party lifestyle (why? What is she trying to escape?), and Grant (add one word on why she would drop her partying to choose him). Good job!

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  7. Hi!

    I really like the sound of this story. Here's my two-cents:

    As seventeen year old Pearl Jaeger emerges from a gritty childhood she finds fitting in at a prestigious prep school hard. But reckless with grief over the loss of her mother she turns to drinking and smoking, resulting in a stint in summer school less about making up for missed grades and more about falling in deeper with the hard partying lifestyle. Spiraling out of control between hits of pot, pills and anything else she can get her hands on, Grant shows her what it is to trust and forgive, and that she must close the door on her past--choosing him, love and her future or losing it all.

    Ah... okay. So I don't think my revision did much but here's what I was trying to do: there were a few missing word errors, so I did that. Restructure it to make it clearer, and I want to know more about Grant. You kind of just throw him in there, so maybe introduce him a bit more by integrating him with the summer school sentence.

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