Tuesday, November 6, 2012

How to Pitch like a Rockstar #2



And...here is the second pitch I've been working on. The first was up yesterday- Thank you again to everyone and Heather for getting the band together!

Pitch Numero Dos:

To the Sea
Women's Fiction

After attorney, Kira Speranza, unexpectedly loses her husband in a car accident, she uncovers his steamy past. Fraught with deception and a sinking sense of self she realizes if she doesn't break loose from the confines of the boardroom and claim her freedom on a surfboard, she'll forget how to live and love after loss.

***REVISION:


After attorney Kira Speranza unexpectedly loses her husband in a car accident, she uncovers his steamy past. As she drowns in sorrow over loss and deception her carefully constructed world falls apart casting her adrift and she discovers that salt, be it tears, sweat or the sea guides her toward the truth of who she really is. As Kira overcomes her well of grief she finds herself in the arms of Ian, her surf instructor, who loves her for who she is, but his return to the west coast threatens to end their relationship and the love she’s found.


 

 

5 comments :

  1. Your pitch is very clear and interesting. It gives me a feel for the character's conflict, and it has good language.

    I would like to know more about claiming her freedom on a surf board. How will that help her? Will it only be therapeutic? Or is there something more to it? Why does she have to quit her job for surfing?

    I was distracted by your use of commas. it should be "After attornet Kira Speranza unexpectedly" and "a sinking sense of self, she realizes..."

    "Live love and loss" sounds cliche to me.

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  3. Though it's a classic storyline, these always seem to do well and women never lose interest in reading about the cheating husband. That being said, the first sentence is fine, but the second sentence gives away the end, doesn't it? Kira is going to dump her job? Set up the second sentence about the conflict. She's drowning (which is a fun word to toss is since she's a surfer) in self-deprecation and sorrow, and XXX also goes wrong at her job. Kira must decide/choose XXX or XXX. Something along those lines for the final sentence.

    Sounds cool. I don't surf, but it's one of those things I wish I knew how to do!

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  4. I might try to boil this down a bit still- something like "Widowed attorney Kira finally starts to overcome her grief in the arms of Ian..." The reason I say this is because I expected her husband's death to be the main plotline, but it sounds more like it's either just the beginning or else backstory. The rest of the pitch sounds like her relationship with Ian is the main story- if this is the case, I'd love to know more about that.

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